18

There is probably only one thing that I have learnt in the past year, and it is so massively obvious but I have never respected its true relevance. < gay.

Time is continuous. < obv.

I always expected things to happen in blocks which allows things to suddenly change direction, like a right angle. Such as, believing moving house would change everything and that as soon as I hit 18 I would evolve into someone else. < durb.

But really nothing changes, because even if you cut your hair move to the other side of the world get a new boyfriend and make sweet gay love, you're still the same person. You're just in a different photo frame.< gayx2.

Life occurs at obtuse angles.

It's a start, okay?!

Urban Dictionary

I am rather bored and will therefore urban dictionary my friends names for fun
I am just going to use the first one that comes up unless its the usual "SHE IS THE HOTTEST GIRL ALIVE."
'Cos then it just gets boring.


Katie
the name katie is usualy given to one who happens to be exceptionaly well at pleasing their partner. katie's happen to be very good at making the opposite sex rather "turned on". one would not regret having been with a katie.

Carla
The act of shitting all over an entire room when having anal sex. The literal meaning of "shit hit the fan". To have anal sex resulting in hardcore anal seepage splattered across walls, ceilings, bedding, etc.
"Ew, this room smells like Carla was here!"

Chloe
A drug often taken with apples. One will be very hyper after using it, and may make friends with a girl called Alice.
Yo Ali, you going add a l'il Chloe to them apples?

Aisha
First known exploited child. Detailed in the Quran Volume 5, Book 58, Number 234, Aisha was the third of the prophet Muhammad's eleven wives. Just six years old when Muhammad married her, he did not consummate the marriage until she was nine.

Dan
What your girl be screamin' while you at work.


Stewart
A rather hyper ferret that is gay or just unusually feminine.
Your ferret is hella stewart, don't you think?


Yeah I do have more friends, but cba.

I am worth nothing.

My attempt at "selling myself."

My Personal Statement by Hollie Walker Age 17 and 10/12

Hello,
My name is Hollie and I have a dog. He licks windows. You should accept me for this course because I will actually drink loads and when I am drunk I become alsmost like a guru, handing out spiritual guidance like chlamydia. (I don't have chlamydia) This I feel is vital for the studo of philosophy. (Not chlamydia)
I like to draw
I went to Mexico once and realised they all look like The Simpsons. So I would like to go abroad in the 3rd year.Just not to Mexico.Thanks.
I first became interested in philoshopy when I visited Greece in the summer of '69. I didn't erally, but this shows you my budding wit and poor sentence structure. Also that I lie alot.
I sound autistic. I am not.
I work for Marks and Spencers, they taught me good customer service and also that if you throw a potato at someones head...you will get the sack.

Thanks in advance for the unconditional.
Hollie.

Strangely

I do believe this is probably the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me

11:52pm Stewart
and i wish u came inm size so i could eat u or chew u chewing gu
hahah

On the subject of e-scrabble

_ said
god wants me to get queer.

_ said
i have U, E, E, Q, U, E, E

_ said
and he put it on a plate

_said
YOU, SIR, ARE A Guest 2135900: QUEER, 28points

_ said
BRINGING THE SMACKDOWN NOW.ALSO, THOU ART AGuest 2135900: QUEEN, 15points

_ said
jizzworthy I AM YOURGuest 2135900: GOD, 9points

_ said
im currently playing 1 letter at a time, so as to preserve the "SCROTU" i have saved. biding my time...

University? Really?

Well done Mr Stanford for picking out 80% of the things I despise. And the rest just what I already knew. I hate looking at universities - THEYRE ALL BORING. LOOKING FOR FUTURE EDUCATION IS BORING!

Megan Dalley

"Boys are like animals at the zoo, just look at them through the glass. Dont feed them, because then they might slober on your hand then you wont like them anymore."

We're both going to get the sack :)

Facebook

I hate you.
You brought about the death of myspace and general internet arrogance.
I dont want to know what other people are doing right now. I don't care that "U r in mcdonalds wiv ur bby lol..x" What makes you assume I would?
You could say that blogging is the same, I don't like the fact that because I write shit on a page people assume I have enough self worth to actually think what I have to say is worth hearing.
Im under no illusion that it is just loads and loads of bollocks.
But It's not thrust under your nose! I write it for me, I find myself amusing sometimes - I don't know anyone except maybe Carla that reads it anyway. Whereas facebook status updates almost demand your attention. Because they're there. And unmoving. Like birdshit on a windscreen.
What did that ever bring to the world?

No good I say, no good.

I am seriously happy

MCR are back recording.
But with one newly married, a post wrist op drummer and Gerrard with new baby Bandit.
This albumn best not be a lyrical culmination of the 3 resulting in mass musical disaster.
BUT, either way they will be on tour soon, well. 2010 im guessing - AND I WILL BE THERE. fo'shizz. :')

Midas is King

I think I'm in love with King Midas.
Known for his golden touch and garden of roses, seriously? Why hasn't anyone thought of this before. Maybe they have though..yes. They probably have.

Okay, so he was slightly greedy but who isnt. Money wasn't invented then - you cannot blame a fellow for trying!
And he's apparently now the cause of the golden gleam of the soil around the rive Pactolus....well, isn't that just something.

I wish I was his wife, living in golden goodness forever more.

One of the boys♥

The amount I wish I was her is actually ridiculous - and I love her albumn again, yeah I know I know.SHUTUP.

Richard Smith

now reminds me of this. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UrMmr1oMPGA
Should stop putting youtube clips as blog posts. Really uninterested at the moment because It.is.summer :(

lol90

Bored, Favourite films from "childh00d" excluding Disney.

The Mice were the best in Babe :)

Yeah.The Green toxic slime was scary.

Everyone used to watch Land Before Time!

Released in 1984 - but I used to watch splash ALOT.

Andre was actually just really sad!

This actually used to scare me so much, but was SO GOOD, and I forgot about it until now. Currently downloading :)

I obviously used to watch many more films as a child but I couldn't be bothered to find the pictures e.g E.T, Home Alone, Matilda, Witches and other various abominations such as the My Little Pony Movie (://!)

Meet you at the statue in an hour

http://www.belleandsebastian.com/home.php
I love Belle and Sebastian :) Piazza New York Catcher!
It's even better that they're from Glasgow.

Elope with me Miss Private and we’ll drink ourselves awake

Ghost Whisperer

I don't watch it but I really like the song on the advert, I was pretty sure it was Brendon Urie. The snippet on the advert sounds like him anyway - But it's actually by DeVotchka and is really "nice" :) Like, aqualung nice.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MbZM6ZSlvvY

56

I haven't a clue/what to do
about fifty six/Forget politics

It's all a matter/ of life & theft

Dont you flatter/Yourself you left
with the key/ To democracy.

Protect me!/Oh, Liberty!

we all cower

Our tyrant/Is a sycophant

to POWer

P0wer for the sake of power

IF we aQUIesce /We're in a mess

We'll quiver and quail/for what we haven't done

In that jail/ it aint no fun

They fill the skies/ up with their lies

Now if WE dont fight/cos they're sellin us fear

Our basic right/ will disappear

I haven't a clue etc...

If you know where this is from you are officially my favourite person ever.

Massive Fail

I forgot that I'd known Luke for two years on Monday, my bad. He didn't seem to care though - I don't think he remembered :)
And Robert Clack presentation evening was epic shamblzz. The Mayor of Barking and Dagenham fell asleep, we got him on camera.
Nothing of vital importance has happened for a while, saying this I bet my next blog post is titled "r gotz me some SWINE FLU."

Oh but it did make me lol that we literally JUST pulled into the school car park and some woman went storming up to the car in front and started having a full blown row with the driver "WOT R U 25?! YOU CANT DRIVE LIKE THAT!!!!!!" I'm pretty sure that as I turnt my back..they wrestled.

Ebony

Is a nice name & Adam Leggy is mega lol. Sex, bleach and nosebleeds. Tells the best stories does our kid.

&Today, I got told I looked like a naked Daniel Radcliffe, I was wearing the horse dress and penis necklace. Apparently if you group them both together you get Mr HP himself.

My most favourite song ever

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nfLEc09tTjI

SAID DO U REMEMBUH

Yesterday and Tommorow

I will see Katie Carla and Chloe for the first time in at least a month. I am a bad bad friend.
But I did discover LULU&RED yesterday. Australian boutique in Westfields. I got my "crazy" high-waisted leggings from there, I honestly need an evaluative oppinion on them - I really like them but they look like a lorna special :/
They also had red high heeled Vivienne Westwood jellies, THEY R SO NAICE. If I wore jellies and could permenanty walk in heels they would have been maaain. I didn't think £70 was too bad for them either.
It made me miss all things westwood (except that old man who claims to be some form of rap producer.) so I've ordered one of her pearl necklaces and some gold earrings ;)
This was pointless, I haven't even started revising yet. I swear I have like..a week now :/

Nevermind.

15

I feel all fifteen again, I'm listening to CoCo Rosie, Patrick Wolf and Roykskopp. Wearing T-shirts with horses and patchwork leggings.

I'll just blame the swine flu.

My Will

Icreated a Will.EGAD.

Mother - I leave to you my age.
Father - I leave to you my fully functioning back.
Monty - The bed I own at my time of death.
Olive - Any salad or water I have about my person at my time of death.

Beverly Wilson - I leave to you all my anger. I feel you will put it to good use.

Jemma from law - My feather dress - just because you claimed it.

Hannha Essex - My handwriting, My one Doctor Who DVD (Doomsday), My Star Wars t-shirt, My argumentative skills and persistance in order for you to use them against Jess, Any Oreo's I may have on me at my time of death, 2 ipod nano's and one perm kit.

Chesney - I leave to you my signed version of "My Booky Wook"

Neena - I leave to you my unused Palmers Planner.

Keely Dobson - I leave you any Car or motor vehicle I own at my time of death.

Stewart Albert - I leave to you my lack of common sense, use it wisely.

Adam Smallbone - I leave you the bent Oyster card that is in my room, I know it will come to good use in your hands. I am actually being serious.

Richard&Ronald - I leave you anything slightly related to Death Note I may own.

Aisha Brady - I leave to you all my Boosh DVD's and the mighty book of boosh. My Tracey Fragments and Fight Club DVD, 1/2 of what I dont give to Richard that I may currently own ;) , My 3 Bloc Party CD'S, and Blink - the power of thinking without thinking.

Richard Smith - I leave to you the other half of what I don't give to Aisha.

Clelia Allen - I leave to you all my Miranda July books, Secret Diart of a Call girl and the God delusion. My A* in R.E and my health and safety knowledge.

Lucy Golding - I leave to you the rest of that scummy vodka, My 02 wristband, Killers CD's, one perm kit and my sarcasm to be used generously against John Gordon.

Daniel&Daniel - I leave to you's my miraculous medicine and all it's healing powers and my glasses on the gold chain.

Ben withasecondname - I leave you all my bra's.

Jaymie Lee Tapsell - I leave to you my future earnings and my copy of Playhouse Creatures - Seeing as you've lost yours.

Ellie Byford - I leave to you my lips and the shares in my tortoise.John Gordon - I leave you nothing.

----------

Katie Anderson - I leave you all my high heels, My colourful trainers (They were in high demand) My links bracelet, My tiffanys bracelet, My penis necklace, The collage I made of us two that you are yet to receive, My (by then) poisoned liver and the Teddy you bought me for Christmas. And my shares in Monty.

Carla Fletcher - I leave to you all my other GCSE's (excluding the A* in R.E that Clelia owns) Hoochie, My fully functioning eyeballs, All my natural insulin and my hair - then you can have white girl hair. And if you ever were to need them, you have the right to my hands and feet.

Chloe Wallin - I leave to you my lamp that you chipped two years ago, My teddy you can draw on (nugget) All my signed books from Disney Land in Florida and all my collectible Disney badges.

Luke Callaghan - I leave to you my Cure greatest hits albumn, The tiger and polar bear figures, Two Louis XIV guitar picks and your gold hot pants back.

Laura Coughlan - I leave you any art supplies I own at my time of death and my grey pointy shoes.

Molly Whitelock - I leave to you the box of things from infants and juniors I have, most of which are drawings I did of you.

I'm not sure what I own, but if you can think of anything else then you're welcome to it.It will work on a first come first-served basis.
Thank-You.

Get lost?

I was just thinking about how this blog was going to be full of pictures.
But then I stopped taking pictures...And so it became filled with the uneducated murmurs of a badly postured wish-to-be goth.

I will always win at losing.

Im up for a road trip. I designed a far from intricately detailed plan of how to get from Orsett to Edinburgh by car in August. This way we get to drive through all the accents, much like running through the seven pits of hell in order to get to...purgatory? I just didn't want to cheese this up by writing "heaven" but I'd say the Scottish accent is quite a lot above purgatorial (I think i made up a word) standards. I was hoping it would be one humongous pub crawl across the vast stretch of England, bad idea seeing as I'd be driving (I am yet to pass my test) and none of us are technically legal. Either way it would be "BIG LOLZ" and we'd be just in time for the festival :)
Its touristy but I've always wanted to go. Holding onto the hope that I'll manage to go the year Luke Wright is there. If not we'd just go to the pub....We were probably just going to end up in the pub anyway. O'Scotland I do love you :(

I was being ambitious. I'd probably write off my car at the Orsett Cock round about and not even make it to Aisha's house.

So we're settling on somewhere like Brighton. Hitting up that gay scene and all :) I do love brighton very dearly, and almost know my way round as well as I know London and it will be muchos fun avec le girls and potentially George and his car full of well behaved cronies. Unfortunately we're missing the great escape festival. But we always find shit to do maaan - COS.WE.R.YOUNG. And there's always pubs about.
BASICALLY, I dont care where we go I just want to go nowwwwwwwwwwwww!

I'd say right now I have to go to bed though, Collegio in six hours.

Note to self and everyone else: May visit clack s00n, check Miss Barratts still sane.

RE: We're all looking the question is who can see.

Complicite is still on top.

On the Waterfront was actually immensely disappointing. I think I was expecting too much of Berkoff. I think he adapted the play to highlight more the corruption of the bosses and make you think beyond that into how people gain power over others.
Wheras I was expecting acting skillz that killz and Terry Malloy being the main character having seen raw Marlon Brando goodness in the film, whom may I add, we created an attachment with.

Wheras Berkoff had other intentions. No emotional attachment included. Which from my point of view made it abitt ":/" lacking in...substance? And it didn't set itself apart from the film enough to not be compared to it, as Berkoff didn't do what people expected him too! He just made a watered down adaptation of the film. I think that the people in the audience (that weren't students) had all came to see it off of the films reputation instead of for the...experience(?)

It was good, I applaude Steven as you are in fact a legend and I love you so, but I wouldn't recommend going to see it after having seen the film.The only benefit it had was understanding what was happening in the mimed pieces.

It did make for some impressive performance notes though.
MY EXPECTATIONS WERE JUST TOO HIGH.

Storm

It's 23 23 I have 23 people online on facebook chat and Ive previously made 23 blog posts. Pissing Callaghan.

I LOVE MY BLACKBERRY STORM!
I can blog, write an essay, email carmel, be on facebook, be on msn and play word beaver all at the same time!
IRATEU

Also - Louis Theroux Weird weekends - Black supremacists. WAS SO FUNNY.
According to the Church of Universal Practical Knowledge: Tom Jones, Henry VII, All the Vikings, Bhethoven and Shakespeare were/are actually.all.BLACK.
BUT! Cleopatra just looked black and was in fact white.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wCrK5n_7zBM
That's some of it,they say about the Vikings earlier on.

We are all looking,the question is who can see.

Making up 6 pages of notes on 3 plays ready for drama exam,writing in note form.NO CONTINUOUS PROSE.
http://www.complicite.org/productions/detail.html?id=43
Still my favourite one yet.
But we've got On The Waterfront with Steven Berkoff Monday, could easily take the top spot.

♥Berkoff

Im in love with my own scene

MAAAAAAAAAAAAN Do I love college.

Man she's a window licker

I hate it so much when non-foreign people that live in and around London, and have lived there for a good few years, go to London and do the tourist thing,i.e running about "lolling at everything" taking shitloads of pictures of statues and buildings and generally loitering around South Bank. And when you take enough people for it to be considered "an outing"
I cringe on your behalf, seriously. You look like a prize prick when you do that.
Its only acceptable if youre about 10 years of age and are accompanied by an adult. Don't get me wrong there's nothing wrong with two people up for a change of scenery and a leisurely stroll but theres a clearly defined difference. So I'd just like to speak on behalf of the more socially aware Londoners and beyond when I say -

Do us all a favour and stick to Lakeside.

My fuel is running low

I.Don't.Even.Know. 24/02/2009 - the official best day of my life.
I was contemplating giving up blogging all together, because no blog will ever beat this in it's life, but I can't actually be bothered to. Just like when im too lazy to go to bed. mhmm.
My blogs are boring anyway, I blog for somewhere to put pictures, easily accesible pictures. But this, this is going to be amazing. This, is.mylife. I feel like Parky should give me my red book, and it will be filled with just this one day.
Right,

Imagine.

You are one of the lucky few that get a Killers ticket thanks to your Uncle and his connections, so you round up your chummy chummy chum called Lucifer. You and Lucifer are pretty hardcore on this Killers shit. Lucifer has a canvas of Mr Flowers above her bed and everything.woah.

All is well all is well. THEN, you find out. Your most favourite band ever ever ever are supporting. The band you thought you'd never see in your life, you thought it was more possible that Tony Blair revives his love for a rock and roll and brings back his uni band to create some musical love for the Iraqis. THAT band, you feel mildly guilty for a second because youre not taking your other chummy chummy chum Lukifer because they're kind of his thing and he's the reason you love them in the first place. Excitement consumes your guilt.

But then you find out their bassist and drummer have quit :(

WorryWorryWorry, nemind. Brandon is still going to be there, which is still immensly legendary. You and Lucifer queue for roughly 4 hours, even though there wasn't much of a queue, you're behind some richer hardcores that dont seem to sleep, both days. Been queueing since 7:30 in the morning, theyre were idolised in that queue. At 630 they let you and about 15 others in.first.AND THERES THE FUCKING SUPPORT BANDS LOGO AS YOU WALK IN! ALL BIG AND GLORIOUS!! You have to keep yanking Lucifer though cos she wants to run but you'll get chucked out if you run. The sign clearly has its own gravitational pull which is effecting yous two more greatly than anyone of the other calm and collected non-college students.When you get to the from youre right on the barrier, at the point closest to the stage.Then you desperately need a wee. So does Lucifer, you both decide its not real urine, it is mere excitement urine which isnt really there. You've waited for a whole hour,and everytime someone walks on stage you go all ASDHFGJF.

Okay I have to break out of third person now. S'pissing me off.

THEN ALL THE LIGHTS WENT DOWN, AND NO ONE WAS REALLY IN THE STADIUM COS NO ONE CARED ABOUT THE SUPPORT ACT.BUT I DID.AND I WAS SO CLOSE TO THEM.AND I WAS GOING TO CRY.AND I JUST WENT ALL STILL. Then they played the new song I didnt know. THEN they played another new song I didn't know. Then they played all the ones I liked :D Every single song I liked, and I was actually going mental, I don't remember any of it, Apart from screaming. AND BRIAN WAS RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME. Doing his thing, then I think they eventually caught onto the fact that I was the only person out of this 18,000 that actually knew their songs. SO WE GOT SOME EYE CHEMISTRY GOING. Seriously, I actually melted inside, a whole lot. We were singing to eachother. Then Lucifer told me he threw his guitar pick at me but it did an epic fail and went on the floor near the security guard. Then he got on the piano, and STARTED PLAYING MY FAVOURITE SONG. AND HE WAS SINGING IT TO ME. AND I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT TO DO. BECAUSE EVERYONE WAS LOOKING AT ME LIKE "WTF" AND I WAS SCREAMING AT HIM AND HE WAS BEAUTIFUL, IF VELVET WAS A PERSON.WOAH. Then I fell on the floor, I've never understood going weak at the knees apart from when I had that condition that meant my knees could give way at any point.LOL. But this was a defining moment in my life I can remember thinking "I can quite happily die now."

But It wasn't over, they went into paper doll, complete filth song ;D And the eye sex carried on, and Jason came over like.YO. And I was like. AHJFD, oblivious to the fact that I was the only one going mental in amongst 18,000 head bobbers. Then he threw his guitar pick again, and it rebounded of my arm :D Then they went off stage :( And my night was over, and The Killers hadn't even began.

Imagine.

Your favourite band singing your favourite song to you in front of thousands of people.

I didn't sleep for five days after.

I actually need to see them again, VVVVVVVVVVV.

But for now I have two guitar picks and perfect memories.

Louis XIV I love you and Air Traffic Control.

The sky IS NOT yours

Yeah Yeah Yeah I hate everything, but the contrast on the Jason Mraz video is especially gratacious.

"Scooch on closer dear and I will nibble your ear."

If this EVER becomes number one I think I'll swap dinner with Monty, just to make a point. I'm not sure what point I'd be making.

COS WE ALREADY KNOW THIS SONG IS BEYOND SHITE.

Mr Blue Sky.

SAY THAT ONE MORE FUCKING TIME AND I'LL BREAK YOUR FUCKING NECK. - Glad it's over, but at the same time will miss it terribly.
*HAPPY 18TH LAURA MCGUIGAN - Have a picture of Stewart ;)*

Thursday will be "LIVE"

SMASH

I can't cook for shit, but I decided that seeing as it was Carla's Birthday, It was the effort that mattered.

She seemed happy with it.

???

I clearly had a reflective day.

In libraries, do they put the bible in the fiction or non-fiction section?

What happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object?

What happens when you get scared half to death...twice?

Do bald men wash their heads with soap or shampoo?

Whoever sp00ns last sp00ns hardest.

I just found photos from when I got bored of watching people play disney trivial pursuit and so kindapped Luke and Carla for some bad quality webcam shots and that infamous 3-way-sp00n.

Piss

I got stranded. No way out. Stuck in the armpit of England on what had the potential to be the best day of the year. So I jazzed it up with Elliott of Orsett.

LOL.Monty made a run for it.



He actually fails at throwing snowballs from any further than 1metre away.

"How do you make a snowman?"

- Im not sure...

" We didnt think this through...We shouldve googled it."

We, er..improvised.

And her son,

Yes, we have actually always..Always. Been this cool. One day soon I will write her a paragraph or ten. Maybe even a list like I did last time!