three

Up until now I had sworn to myself that I'm content with lonliness because none of it was ever worth the risk, but you are the only exception.

OH 2011

I forgot that I do that thing every year where I wish for things in the year to come.
Instead I might reflect on 2010 seeing as I have neglected you for so long.

2010 was a good year:

I realised that confidence isn't something you can force, but getting dressed up helps. I stopped wanting to be everyone else.
Friendships doesn't always end with the argument, being my own best friend is fine and its comforting to know that I don't need anyone, but having them there is lovely. My standards are ridiculously high when it comes to my friends and we're all reaching the age where boyfriends are a more regular occurence and just because it's not for me doesn't mean everyone else has to think the same way. I'm jealous because you're giving someone else the attention you used to give me, not because I want what you have.
Tolerance...to a degree.
Get drunk and throw cheese round someones house then sleep with a rugby player. Make your own life interesting, as long as you are happy doing so, because an awkward morning is better than a boring night.
Demand the things back that you give to people freely without them returning the favour. Stand.your.ground.
Stop trying to find the root of why everything has happened, if you don't get a straight answer then you shouldn't be the one running around trying to sort things out. If you stop caring then so will I.
Keep the people around that say the nice things and mean them, theyre supaaaa.

Now for 2011:

Stop smoking
Loose weight

Dear Fiddy

I dont need you anymore but one day I might, so I am keeping you for a rainy day. Thank you in the mean time.

what a catch

I've got troubled thoughts and the self esteem to match.

For once

I am proud of myself.
I know how much I worked and I feel like it is something I deserved. This is what I was thinking about for all those sloggy months, this is the feeling I wanted.

I got in to my first choice University.
MEANING, I am spending the next 3 years in my favourite place in England and possibly 1 in Canada.
*ahhhhhhhh*

On the subject of University

I hate it when people think it means nothing to me.
Obviously it does.
The difference is is that I'm not going to sit there and make excuses if I fail. I don't want sympathy. The difference is that if I don't get in, I understand that I only have myself to blame whereas a lot of other people are quite happy to blame anyone and everyone because they're not used to failure. The whole point of it being more difficult is to sort the good from the bad. You need to learn that you wont be pandered to your whole life and maybe you're not as intelligent as what you thought you were. I'm prepared to accept that because I have never presumed mass intelligence in the first place, unlike multiple other people. This doesn't mean I want it less than anyone, it means I'm not deluded as to the difficulty of life.
Get your head out of your arse and stop making juvenile assumptions about me because you're worried all the world's sympathy wont be aimed towards you.

Goodmorning

Cannot physically wait to get away from everything, praying in a sick sick fashion that I end up in Scotland.
I will honestly miss two things. Firstly, my Mother. Secondly, my Dog.
Other than that, I can do without.
ALSO
I am sinking back into you liking me a lot more than what I do you, the end is nigh and I care less and less each day